A very nappy afternoon.

I am an aunty (related and non) to many a child.
There’s my cousin Minu Didi’s girls. My friend Seema’s son Dillon, not to mention various other friends and relations. But the one I enjoy the most is my twin brother Ajay’s little boy; that’s because he’s at that age where everything he does is so bloody funny. So when said sister in law asked if I could have him for the day, I jumped at the chance. Only she omitted one slight detail…he’d started potty training.
Well, he wasn’t per se. He was more than content to stay in nappies. These nasty pull up things are being forced on him by that mummy woman.

Nephew spent the afternoon at war with me. No matter how much I cajoled and bribed he point blank refused to give up his nappies for pull ups. He just wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Instead he kept taking them off and then proceed to teach me a lesson for confiscating the nappies. He’d piddled on me, my office floor, an expensive Persian rug, mid run between the kitchen and backroom. In a space of a few hours, he’d turned into a human watering can.

I’m an aunty who takes her aunty-ing job very seriously indeed. I spend quality time with them. I take them out, feed them at child friendly, yet nutritious places.
I bake cookies with Minu Didi’s girls.
I get up sing along to the songs on CBeebies with my nephew.

Point to note - I don’t just sing! I get up and do the actions, with precision and passion. At that point he always looks at me with a huge grin that oozes ‘lady you’re the best thing since Balamory’ and my heart just melts.

But his particular afternoon I was now the enemy. I was only following sister in law’s orders.

Later that afternoon, I had to pop into Soho for a casting and left little bubba with my mum. Mum comes from the Punjabi school of parenting. No nonsense.
So when my nephew attempted the same stunt on her, she was having none of it!
She scooped him up in one arm, pull ups in the other and sternly made it clear that he wasn't, under no circumstances to do that again, ever. In under 2 seconds had whipped them pull ups firmly back on his bottom. How that was humanly possible, I don’t know.
As if nothing had ever happened, she had him sat quietly in front of CBeebies, with a bowl of rice and chicken - My nephew is taller and sturdier than other toddlers in his age category, not that his has any effect on mum. The fact that he isn’t bordering on the line of what western doctors would call obese, mum has come to the conclusion he must be thoroughly undernourished and is therefore completely unimpressed - It a good job she is now retired and is on hand full time to divert this catastrophic case of malnutrition.

Mum was now sat back smug at her successful handling of nappy-gate.
As far as she was concerned, I didn’t any have children of my own, there was so much I needed to learn from her.
Little did she realise that all she had taught bubba is one thing and one thing only; ‘Mustn’t pull this stunt on Dadi-ji, she’s not having it. But Bhua? (Aunty of the dad’s sister variety – that’s me) Yep, she’s still fair game,’ as he throws his pull-ups behind my sofa with a mischievous look that says ‘Hmmmm where shall I piddle next?’