If I ruled the world!

Do you ever play the ‘if I was in charge’ game?

I do!

Its a bit like arm chair politics with, not only, megalomaniac tendencies thrown in, but also a decent bout of ‘I know better,’ as well.

I often sit there and say, "I could do better than the Muppets on the council" or "I could teach the staff in this hotel a thing or two about guest relations."

Off the top of my head, so far, I know this really fab way to:

1) Sort out the country’s parking problems.

2) Invent a gadget that instead of squirting a dollop of mayonnaise in the middle of a chicken burger in KFC, it spreads it evenly over the whole bun so you get some in every bite, rather then this gooey surge half way in. And prosecute any place that does not implement this gadget.

3) Train the staff at Debenhams Hounslow in customer service.

"dunno" is not an appropriate answer when you find an amazing pair of Jeff Banks flip flops in the sale and you are merely inquiring as to the reason why one is a size three and the other a size seven, and would she go and have a scout around on the shop floor for two size sevens. – Yes, that includes all the stuff thrown on the floor in a messy heap under the rails; and while she’s at it could she also check in the stock room, the ‘has to go back on the shop floor' pile in the changing room – on this floor and the one above…
So what if it was 5 minutes to closing time?
In this current climate, retailers should be grateful for any customer prepared to throw £3.99 (minus the 20% off because its blue x) their way.
AND NO they shouldn’t laugh when customer says "seriously one seven and one size six would do, its not as if anyone’s really gonna look that closely. I suppose I can stretch to a 5½, if my walk ends up a touch dodgy, I’ll pretend I was tragically maimed whilst on safari in Africa…"

Oh yes, I’ve thought about all the important things in life…And, I have even been confident enough to, at times, disagree with Sir Allan’s (or S’alon, as most of the contestants seem to pronounce) comments on the apprentice – there said it, controversial I know.

Point to note – The moment you start thinking you know better than the God that is Simon Cowell, you are in fact suffering from some sort of delusional psychiatric disorder.

And the fact that I know where to draw the line only goes to prove how together I am. All I need is the opportunity to put my improvements into practice. So taking into account the recent MP’s scandal and the vacancies left by a wave of resignations, perhaps I should join – obviously being in tune with the average person’s daily gripe.

So for the next few months I will put together a little manifesto of issues I feel need addressing…
First important issue I will address: To ban Speedos.

Full explanation will be given in a following blog.

Ciao xx